


Equanimity

by Amlika



Category: EXO (Band), Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Movie: Pacific Rim (2013)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-15
Packaged: 2018-05-26 23:34:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6260497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amlika/pseuds/Amlika
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like the fraction of a second between every inhale and exhale, when the world ceases to exist and you are finally at peace with yourself, absolute equanimity. </p><p>Jongin is an ex-Jaeger soldier reluctant to go to battle again. He meets Junmyeon, the friendly rehab doctor with his own past and afraid of love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Equanimity

The searing pain spread through every corner of his body as millions of tiny synapses exploded, like a web of darkness that made him feel excruciatingly alive. 

Jongin was no stranger to pain, after years of training and numerous battles that left layers of wounds covering all over his body. Like any good soldier, he utilized the pain as an extra boost of motivation to push himself harder. What he could never get used to though, was the sting of defeat that now accompanied the pain on a daily basis. 

He fell hard onto the ground again, the robotic exoskeleton suit covering his body stretched out in awkward angles. 

This new generation suit, or TALO, was very different than the former Jaeger inner-suit he was familiar with. It was much more nimble, a fortified bodysuit with a carbon fiber outer armor, covered in plasma actuators that gave him an unparalleled range of motion, including flying. 

Well, that was if he could learn to control this damn thing properly. 

The sophisticated suit felt no different than a fancy wheelchair to him right now, a silent mockery to his injuries. It was hard to focus on yet another telepathic "mind melding into machine" exercise, when he deeply yearned to just run on the grassy lawn with his own legs. The legs he used to have...

Today was one of those days when trying to be thankful for being alive and all that other psychiatric preachy shit was definitely not working. 

A tall figure walked over and blocked the sun shining into his face, with a friendly hand extended out for him to hold onto. For a split second Jongin had the urge to grab onto the hand and feel the familiar warmth, after all the falls he had taken today from just trying to jump off the ground. He missed the human touch that gave him strength and calmed his conflicted mind like a cool drink of water. 

But the very urge frustrated him even more than the fall and the pain, and reminded him how pathetic he had become. So instead he grunted bitterly and pushed himself up slowly while ignoring Junmyeon's hand, spluttering out ill-humored words that he regretted immediately. "Sometimes I think you created this fancy suit just to torture me. Isn't the wheelchair humiliating enough?"

Junmyeon's voice sounded concerned. "Are you alright? Maybe this is good enough for today; let's go back." 

"No, we'll keep going. Not much time left; I gotta get the basics down if we are to stay on schedule," Jongin disagreed, trying not to let the discomfort show. 

Junmyeon swallowed his words. Time was indeed not on their side. It had already been half a year since he convinced Jongin to add this "side project" to his rehabilitation program. The sponsors of the TALO suit research had already been asking to see some results.

As they stood on the grassy lawn outside, Jongin looked at the unassuming rehabilitation facility where he had spent so much time since being discharged: a few nondescript low rise buildings nestled amongst lush Californian greenery, in a small seaside town. Hard to believe that the top secret next-generation Jaeger suit was being tested here, on an irritable and crippled former soldier like him. 

Maybe this whole thing was all just a bad idea, Jongin thought dejectedly. But then he felt Junmyeon's hands fidgeting with the TALO suit on him. Seeing him up close with such focus and dedication in his eyes always softened his heart. With a heavy sigh, he spoke again. "Sorry, I shouldn't be so cranky. I know you designed this program to help me." 

"It's ok, I understand. The microchip embedded in your brain amplifies your thoughts to control the rest of the suit, which requires a lot of getting used to. I tried to tweak the system when I was testing the suit myself, but well... you know the rest of the story..." For a rare second, the sunny smile always on Junmyeon's face turned a little somber, and Jongin wished he hadn't brought up the subject. 

He knew what Junmyeon was referring to: previously abandoning his own testing efforts because the microchip kept triggering the intense memories of his Jaeger partner dying while they were bonded together in battle. 

Jongin could only imagine what that must have felt like for Junmyeon. Memories of his own last battle were filled with the sense of hopelessness both he and his partner felt as a category IV Kaiju decimated their Jaeger; coupled with the heartbreaking grip of death they experienced, as the broken Jaeger sank slowly into the ocean abyss as the life support system started to fizzle out. It was pure luck that both of them were rescued and survived. Junmyeon's partner was not so fortunate.

"That's why you were the only therapist I trusted. I'm not going back to battle again, ever. I'll test this suit out for you, but no more." Jongin's voice was low but determined. 

Junmyeon smiled, and looked into Jongin's eyes with sincerity. "I know you don't trust the current military strategies. I promise you, my primary goal for this suit is to help former soldiers like you. The battle armor portion is removable, and the lighter version of this suit allows any patient with disabilities to regain physical capabilities, and even exceed their limitations to achieve great things." 

Jongin was not convinced. "I'm not so sure about all this, Jun. Even though the navy has closed the Precursor portal twice now, we all know there will be a third round of attack at some point. You wouldn't have received all this funding just for some medical feel-good research project."

Junmyeon gave him an encouraging squeeze on the arm. "Trust me, a few other leaders in the navy are tired of all the casualties just like you and I, and are looking for a better way. There has been a lot of development on remotely operated defense lines. And I have even heard that a new research base is being established on an island not far from us, to study and create Kaijus of our own." 

Junmyeon's words definitely made an impact this time, as Jongin rolled his eyes in mock disbelief. "Wow, creating Kaijus. That's either the smartest or the most ridiculous idea I've ever heard. Those monsters are telepathically controlled by the Precursors, you can't just create one out of a test tube and expect them to fight our battles. It's much more complicated than that." 

Junmyeon seemed to be a little preoccupied in his own thoughts. "Right, which is why we will need a test subject of some sort. Anyways, I'm getting sidetracked here, your TALO suit is not designed for prolonged battles, it would excel in espionage, research and even guiding and hopefully commanding Kaijus or other military weapons." 

"Great, so instead of fighting I'll be a circus trainer."

"Now don't be so grumpy. Let's just do a few more exercises like you wanted and we will call it a day. Shall we?" Junmyeon's gaze was on Jongin again, loving and full of warmth, impossible to deny. 

So, Jongin nodded and they both took a few steps back. 

Jongin tried to clear his thoughts and focus on what he was trying to achieve: to walk a few steps then jump up high. He picked a reference point about three feet from the ground, and tried to visualize the plasma actuators creating an invisible web of electrical surge all around his body. He could feel the TALO suit responding to his thoughts, the air around him starting to pulsate with millions of tiny uplifting charges.

 _Forget about the handicap, the rehab, the battles, everything. Think of something pure and simple, something that's precious to you and will always be._ He thought about Junmyeon's vaguely philosophical instruction for controlling the TALO suit.

As his left foot stepped forward, he thought of the sensation when he first successfully drifted with his former partner Kyungsoo. They were both so young back then, best friends since childhood and full of naive optimism. He had no hesitation or fear, his mind a blank book that opened willingly to the "neural handshake" with Kyungsoo. After the surge of memories and all the exercises to sync together, Jongin remembered vividly having one particular moment of serenity, when he felt calm and at one with everything - Kyungsoo, the Jaeger, and the fact that he was fighting for what he believed in alongside his best friend.

Like the fraction of a second between every inhale and exhale, when the world ceases to exist and you are finally at peace with yourself, absolute calmness. 

A few more steps, then Jongin willed his foot to push into the ground and his body to jump up. His body responded gracefully with the help of the suit, every move light and effortless. The complete freedom of movement was addictive, each jump higher and faster, yet taking no more effort than just a simple concentrated thought. 

Jongin knew the price of losing focus though, so he stayed on course while paying attention to Junmyeon's comments from the sideline. He guarded the mental calmness carefully, and attempted for further and higher jumps. With every jump, he visualized his whole body being levitated by an invisible layer of force, staying midair just a bit longer before landing back onto the ground smoothly. 

Jongin could hear the joy in Junmyeon's voice. "Wow, that was easily a five-foot jump, Jongin. Wow..." His heart swelled with pride as he turned around cautiously just in time to catch Junmyeon's wide grin. 

Jongin couldn't remember how long it had been since he felt so at ease in his own body. No more clumsy wheelchair, no more frustrating physical limitations. He could almost trick himself into believing that he was back to his toned and confident old self, with some of the best physical exam scores amongst all the Jaeger soldiers. 

Except he was now even stronger and faster and could achieve what no human body could naturally do. 

Then he heard the familiar exuberant voice of a young boy, unfortunately a little too close to where he was about to land. "Uncle Jongin! Dad wasn't lying, the suit does work!" 

Jongin could see the trajectory of his landing but could not prevent his thoughts from being distracted by a sudden surge of concern. He crashed into the boy with the full impact of his motion, and both of them tumbled onto the lawn. The boy let out a loud yelp, "Ouch!" 

The sharp pain once again shot up through his whole body like daggers digging into his soul, not an inch of muscle or nerve spared. That's the other caveat of the microchip enabled control system - in addition to requiring immense concentration, it also amplified all of the pilot's sensations, pleasure or pain. 

But Jongin saw those innocent bright eyes in front of him, and even the overwhelming, searing pain couldn't stop him from forming a smile. Grumpy Uncle Jongin was no match for the infectious happiness of little Chanyeol. 

"Hahaha, good landing!" Apparently Chanyeol found the collision quite amusing. Seeing the worried Junmyeon rushing over, he stuck out his tongue and then spoke. "Oops, brace yourself, here come Dad." 

Junmyeon's concerned voice reached them before he even got close. "Chanyeol, how many times do I have to tell you not to come to the center? It's not a safe place for a kid! Are you hurt? Can you feel-" His concerns were cut short by Chanyeol's most heart-meltingly innocent voice.

"But... but Dad, I'm hungry." Big puppy eyes and cute pouty lips, altogether too pleading to be ignored. "And...and I got another perfect score at school and wanted to come show you and make you proud."

A long sigh escaped out of Junmyeon's mouth. "Channie, you can't keep barging in when we are working, ok? You are not hurt, right? How do the guards always let you in, isn't this a top secret facility after all?" Jongin shook his head inwardly, even a twelve-year old could tell what a softie Junmyeon really was underneath that lecturing paternal facade of his.

"Oh, the guards let me do whatever I want; because I created a bunch of formulas to help them win fantasy football last year. It's really quite simple, just a statistical database and some game theory algorithms." Chanyeol shifted a little and turned to look at Jongin behind him on the grass. "Uncle Jongin, I am really hungry though. Can you buy me a snack please? Maybe afterwards we can sneak into Dad's lab and I can show you a few more things I learned about Kaiju brains..." 

"Channie, I can hear you." Junmyeon tried to sound stern, but even Jongin could hear the hint of indulgence in his voice. He knew secretly Junmyeon was so proud of Chanyeol's keen interest in all things scientific. 

Sitting on the grass in the warm sun, next to perhaps the world's most endearing father and son, Jongin once again felt a little piece of equanimity in his heart, that no battle win or expensive medication could ever provide.

 

********************

 

The warm kitchen light shrouded both of them like a small cocoon of luminosity. 

Jongin loved watching Junmyeon cook. The dishes were usually simple, like the marinara pasta he was busy making tonight, a pretty concoction of bright red tomato sauce, fresh green basil leaves and gooey mozzarella cheese. But more than the food itself, the cooking process always brought out the most loving and caring side of Junmyeon. No longer the scientific rehab doctor, or the stern dad that had to be a good role model; in the kitchen Junmyeon always had a softened gaze and relaxed posture, as he recounted funny tidbits from the past to the quietly attentive Jongin.

It was a joy watching Junmyeon focused on completing the task at hand, something as simple as rolling up and julienning the green basil leaves. The delicious aroma of the tomato sauce bubbling on the stove added to the serenity, so did the soulful Spanish ballad quietly drifting out of the stereo in the background. 

 

_Más grande que grande_  
Más cielo que cielo  
El amor es tanto que al final da miedo 

Love is so much that it scares in the end. 

 

Jongin wondered what Junmyeon thought of the wistful song lyrics. Junmyeon never talked much about his former Jaeger partner, who was also his wife. From the snippets Chanyeol mentioned occasionally, she sounded lovely, a dedicated mom and fierce soldier. Spouses, brothers, best friends, people with the most unshakable emotional bonds always made the best Jaeger partners due to the drifting compatibility of their minds. But that very bond was also expensive emotional collateral that could destroy even the most hardened soldier. Feeling the fear and suffering of the one closest to you and not being able to do a thing about it, was probably the most heart wrenching emotion Jongin had ever experienced in life. Sometimes he thought about Kyungsoo, his own former partner that hadn't contacted him since they both were honorably discharged due to heavy battle injuries. One day, Jongin hoped, Soo would come to terms with what happened during that last battle and come find him. 

"Ready to eat? I saved a plate for Chanyeol for when he's back from his friend's." Junmyeon spoke as he sprinkled Parmesan cheese over the carefully arranged plates.

Dinner turned out to be quite delicious, as Jongin discovered after a few bites. "Not bad, Dr. Kim. Your cooking is improving, I'd say."

"C'mon, are you gonna bring up that one time when I burned the stir fry dish again? That was one time. Chanyeol was overloading the house's electrical circuit with his crazy experiment in his bedroom; I had to go shut him down." Junmyeon huffed rather unconvincingly, his smiling eyes never faltering. 

"Alright alright, I take it back." Jongin devoured the yummy food. It sure felt good to be taken care of. These were the moments he truly cherished-nothing flashy, no fanfare, just sharing simple-home made food with someone special.

A thought he had contemplated on for a while bubbled to the surface again, the words coming out before he realized it. "Have you ever thought about what to do with Chanyeol if a third portal is found and we are under attack again?"

Junmyeon looked up at him, eyes full of a dad's pride and love. "Well, he did pretty well during the second portal period. School was out, but everyone took care of him at the base I was stationed at. The only thing is, as he gets older, he's increasingly wanted to help out with the fight against the Precursors." 

"What, but he's only twelve," Jongin spluttered.

"Exactly. I've been trying so hard to show him that there are smarter ways of dealing with the Precursors and the Kaijus than just war and casualties. That the next generation should not be living in fear of losing their loved ones like we did, but will have better strategies and technologies to deal with the situation." 

Junmyeon's gaze turned somber. He paused and looked down again. "Well, mostly it's because I really don't want him to go to battle. It's too cruel, I can't imagine ever watching him suffer, or losing him--" his voice trembled and trailed off before he could finish.

Jongin reached out his hand across the table and placed it gently over Junmyeon's.

"I think you are doing the right thing, Jun. It's ok, we will help convince him together. I really care about Chanyeol, and you..." 

He sighed, and struggled to find the right words to express what he had felt for so long. "If there's anything I can do to help, anything at all, you know I'd be up for it. You are not alone." 

Junmyeon looked up appreciatively, with eyes full of unspoken thoughts. The soft dining room light cast a faint shadow on his face, and made him look a little more vulnerable than usual. He squeezed Jongin's hand lightly before pulling his own away. 

"Chanyeol really looks up to you, you know? It's been hard on him since his mom passed away. He's such a brilliant kid, but sometimes I worry he's hiding all his emotions beneath that happy innocent surface just so I don't have to worry." 

"We all disguise our feelings in life. Especially fear or love, those words don't come out easily." Jongin knew the feeling all too well.

"So true. Sometimes I think I'm the one in need of counseling, instead of my patients. Ever since Evie's death, I've been so numb myself, just can't seem to reciprocate feelings very well. I - I'm sorry." 

_Don't ever apologize to me please, I know how you feel. Just take your time, I can wait._ His thoughts reverberated so loudly in his mind, Jongin was sure Junmyeon heard them.

But silence filled the room instead. As Jongin struggled to start speaking again, Junmyeon's phone rang.

Meeting Jongin's gaze straight on, Junmyeon picked up the phone and answered. When he finished the conversation, he held his breath, dark eyes peering into Jongin's.

"They spotted a category II Kaiju 500 miles away from us. It has been named Apollyon. The search for the new portal has started." 

 

********************

 

The usually empty control center at the research base was buzzing with excitement. Every seat was occupied, with more people standing alongside the wall, there to witness the first TALO One field encounter with a Kaiju. Rows of workstations faced the giant TV displays and video feeds on the front wall. Only a few scientists and doctors occupied the row Junmyeon sat in, the rest were all naval personnel. The commanding officer of the mission was General Wu, an imposing young man with impressive military experience, whom Junmyeon had been working with to set-up the TALO One involvement in the mission.

Junmyeon's eyes were fixed on the giant screens in front of him. The live headcam video from Jongin's TALO suit, along with voice communication, felt like the only connection left between the two of them. 

It was a strange feeling not being alongside Jongin, after more than half a year of always being together, doing rehabilitation exercises, practicing with the suit, or just chilling and talking about everything and nothing at all. He had gotten so used to the quietly reassuring presence of Jongin that he almost took it for granted.

They only had two days to prepare for this moment. Junmyeon was still not sure if they made the right decision, sending Jongin out in an experimental suit with practically no weapon to speak of, to face a terrifying monster. He thought about the conversation they had last night, as they stayed up to calibrate the suit and practice one more time. 

"You sure you want to go? So far this Kaiju has been behaving very strangely, wandering around the ocean and surfacing at smaller islands instead of heading straight to the metropolis like it's been programmed to do. And no sign of the new portal either." Junmyeon tried to disguise the tone of concern in his voice.

In the dim lighting of the indoor training gym, Jongin's dark eyes gleamed. "It's ok, my job is just to lure the Kaiju to the test facility on the island for study right? We both know the first sight of a Jaeger would be enough to trigger the Kaiju into battle mode. This is exactly what TALO was meant for." 

"Yes, but--" Junmyeon was cut short by Jongin's hands reaching out to him for a reassuring squeeze on the arms. 

Jongin's response was contemplative. "Jun, I'll be ok, I'm ready for this. Kaijus are not what scare me in the battlefield anyways. After you've been pushed beyond the brink of death once, nothing really scares you quite the same anymore. I didn't want to go back to battle because I never wanted to feel the suffering of another person close to me again. I still have nightmares about drifting, I know you do too." 

Jongin seemed a lot calmer than he had ever been since he arrived at the base. The grumpiness and frustration had been replaced by a sense of purpose and direction. Junmyeon could finally see a glimpse of the former elite Jaeger fighter with the longest battle record in the navy, an astonishing nine Kaijus during both portal periods. 

"But this time it's different. I was talking to Chanyeol last night. You raised him right, he's such a smart and kind kid. Did you know he's been studying telepathic Kaiju communication hoping to help you?"

Jongin stretched his legs and adjusted the suit helmet, sounding determined and pensive. "You know, the whole time I've been at this rehab center, I've been so frustrated and lost. All my life I was a soldier, but if I no long want to fight, then what am I good for? But I think I'm starting to understand now, my purpose is to help the people I love, and find a solution to this problem that obviously cannot be solved by just brute force." 

"I just feel like I should be out there with you, not hiding at the base like a coward." Junmyeon's shoulders drooped as he spoke. 

"Don't ever say that Jun, I can't do this without your help from the base. You will feed me info and help direct all the support units. If we cannot lure the Kaiju in, we'll have to try to capture him, which would require coordination with nearby jets and carriers to transport him to the island." 

_But I don't want you to go, I can't afford to lose another one I love._ The thought scared Junmyeon more than anything else, he couldn't tell whether it was because of possibly losing Jongin or the sudden realization of love. But the words wouldn't come out, no matter how loudly they echoed in his head.

He didn't verbalize his fear last night. Couldn't. And here he was, sitting at the control center, and letting the regret of the unspoken words consume him vehemently on the inside. A room full of people busily monitoring and setting up the ground-breaking operation, and all Junmyeon could obsess about was the words he may never get a chance to say to Jongin, in a million different iterations.

"Dad, I think the helicopter is getting close to the drop spot." Chanyeol's voice pulled him out of the dream-like trance, as Junmyeon turned around to look at the child sitting next to him. Chanyeol had insisted on sitting in on this operation and "watching out for his Uncle Jongin". Everyone at the base had known his Mom, and spoiled him like their own kid. So a spot next to Junmyeon was saved for the young boy, who quietly busied himself on his own laptop.

Up on the display screens, Junmyeon could see Jongin standing by the helicopter door, the view of the endless ocean and sky peeking through. He checked the proximity of the drop spot, paused, then heard his own voice speaking into the mike, concealing the rapid pounding of his heart. "TALO One, you've reached the drop coordinates. Ready when you are." 

He could hear Jongin taking a deep breath, the response was mixed with the howling wind, yet simple and clear. "Ready." 

Junmyeon held his breath as he watched Jongin leap out of the helicopter and plummet rapidly down below towards the ocean.

It only took a few seconds for the TALO suit to decelerate the drop in air, but to Junmyeon it felt like an eternity. Jongin's voice was cautious but controlled, "Attempting to change drop speed and travel direction."

Through the zoomed-in view from the camera on the helicopter, Junmyeon could see the grey suit hugging Jongin's silhouette against a backdrop of endless blue sky, helmet gleaming in the sun. The air around him charged by the plasma actuators all over his body and the propulsion jets under his feet. Junmyeon knew how much concentration it took Jongin to execute every movement so gracefully, the microchip in his head amplifying his every thought and sensation. 

Then Jongin changed course and his target became visible on the monitor. 

Junmyeon had seen his fair share of Kaijus, both in battle and on training videos. War machines genetically engineered by the Precursors to elicit fear upon encounter and cleanse out humankind, they were each similar in their internal anatomical structure, but extremely different in exterior characteristics and capabilities. Any preconception that Kaijus were easily defeatable was completely shattered as the battle category of every new Kaiju increased, and the monsters evolved to become more deadly with each ensuing battle. 

Anyone telling you they were not scared shitless during a Kaiju battle was lying through their teeth. Junmyeon thought of what a mumbling old soldier once said that had stuck with him, as Apollyon appeared on screen. 

An imposing dark figure stood in the shallow water next to a small island. Its massive wings were retracted, shielding a bulging belly. The bulbous head was lowered so Junmyeon couldn't get a good visual of its face from the video feed. 

As Jongin flew closer, the Kaiju released a loud and penetrating shriek, spreading its dark web-like wings and blocking the sun. All along the top ridge of the black feathery wings, there were huge blinking eyes which sent shivers down Junmyeon's spine. He realized the face of Apollyon was just a black mass devoid of eyes, with an eerie grinning humanoid mouth.

"TALO One to base..." Jongin's voice sounded hesitant through the comm system, as he took pause mid-flight.

Apollyon stretched its wings and lifted off from the shallow water, heading directly towards Jongin. 

_Make a move, Jongin, make a move quick._ Junmyeon held his breath and kept his eyes glued to the monitor. 

Jongin's voice came in again, a little confused. "Something is wrong with my microchip. There's a lot of... noise. I can't think clearly..."

Apollyon's eyeless grinning face approached Jongin's headcam, coming closer and closer, its massive body covering up the view with darkness. Jongin made a clumsy maneuver and barely got out of the way of the oncoming Kaiju.

"TALO One, please describe your problem in more detail." Junmyeon could hear the shakiness in his voice as the words tumbled out. 

Apollyon released another penetrating shriek into the air, its giant flapping wings creating powerful gusts of wind that could be heard over the communication system. Jongin moved around but seemed lost.

"TALO One... Jongin, please tell me what's wrong." 

"Jun, there's interference in my head. I can't focus very well. I can't tell if it's the microchip malfunctioning or something else." Jongin's voice was urgent. 

"The helicopter pilots nearby are experiencing strange interferences with their thinking patterns also. This Kaiju may have telepathic capabilities," one of the military personnel chimed in, sharing the finding with everyone, including a silent General Wu who stood alone in the middle of the control room.

"Jongin, you have to move quickly then. Telepathy is a very dangerous weapon, Apollyon could be a much higher battle category than we estimated. Let's try the visual guide first."

"Roger that." Jongin reached into his backpack and pulled out a long extendable light stick. Once turned on, a strong green light flashed. Jongin moved around the monster to gauge its interest in the light, but the results were not encouraging. The light seemed to have only angered the Kaiju, because it spewed a stream of acid out of its mouth that Jongin barely dodged. 

Chanyeol mumbled in his seat, and Junmyeon could sense the kid shaking his head without even looking at him. "I've always told you, they are not primitive animals, visual or audio guides will only annoy them." 

"Channie, this is not the time..." said Junmyeon, covering the mike and scolded the boy. 

"DAD, you have to listen to me! The microchip is so much more powerful than just being able to control a suit. It was inspired by Precursor technology, and what's the Precursor's main control method for Kaijus? Telepathy! I've been tweaking the microchip software a bit-"

"You did what?!" 

Chanyeol slammed his laptop shut and stared at Junmyeon in defiance. "Dad, you can't just say you want to protect me and never listen to me. I'm sorry that I modified your software without permission, but I've been running a lot of tests on my own, you have to trust me." 

Junmyeon stared at the sprouting little kid, who reminded him of his younger self, yearning to be recognized and more visible to his parents. He swallowed the words rushing to his mouth, pursed his lips, and finally gave Chanyeol a hesitant nod. 

"Jun, Apollyon is not following my guide at all. What do I do next?!" Jongin's voice sounded strained and desperate, as he zoomed around trying to avoid the toxic spews and the slashing claws of the monster. He seemed so small compared to the towering monster that was easily a few hundred feet tall, a tiny Goliath confronting the giant. 

"Uncle Jongin, I mean TALO One, try to focus your thoughts on what you want Apollyon to do. The microchip will do the rest," Chanyeol spoke into the mike.

Right at that moment, the tip of Apollyon's wing finally hit Jongin's body. The impact was loud and clear, and made Junmyeon look away, heart pounding. 

Jongin barely recovered. Apollyon's massive feathery body approached again, this time faster and more determined. Playtime was over. 

In desperation Jongin extended both of his hands out and screamed. "STOP!"

Incredibly, Apollyon slowed down, its wings flapping to hover around Jongin, sharp claws paused in the air. It hesitated for a moment, and then started to approach again.

"STOP!" Jongin maneuvered up higher and gave a loud and firm command again. 

Apollyon paused again. The whole control center was silent now, saved for the few muffled gasps out of surprise.

"Why is he talking to the Kaiju?" Junmyeon could not believe what he was witnessing. 

"The microchip is working. Apollyon is getting the message. The talking just helps uncle Jongin focus on the command telepathically, I think." Chanyeol observed.

"I don't want to hurt you." Jongin's voice was softer now, but clear. 

Apollyon continued to pause, showing no visible movement, saved for the gentle flapping of its wings to hover in front of Jongin.

"Follow me." Jongin started to move to the right cautiously but slowly. 

No reaction from Apollyon. Everyone in the control room was mystified and holding their breaths, including Junmyeon. 

"Jun, I'm sensing something from him. He's... confused? Worried? I don't know. Agh, I'm not the best person to interpret whatever feeling the microchip is picking up from him." Jongin reported.

One of the control room personnel chimed in. "Well, we were just doing a thermal scan around Apollyon to see if there were other Kaijus nearby, and instead noticed something strange on her. Let me put the scan video recording on the monitor."

"Did you just say her? How can you tell?"

The thermal scan video recording was now on one of the large screens in the front of the control room, a moving map of red and blue and all shades in between. Apollyon stood out in an ocean of colder blues, but in the monster's bulging belly, something was moving around, a separate entity showing its own smaller thermal outline. 

"Obviously we are not familiar with Kaiju anatomy yet, but we know based on the Hong Kong Otachi aftermath, that Kaijus can produce offspring." 

"Jongin, Apollyon is a female Kaiju pregnant with a baby!" Junmyeon fell back into the chair in disbelief.

"I see. It doesn't feel like she's supposed to be here."

Jongin tried to signal Apollyon to follow his lead a few more times, and received nothing in return. Finally Apollyon turned around and started to move eastward, in the direction of the Californian coast a few hundred miles away.

General Wu, who had been quiet up until this point, turned around and spoke directly to Junmyeon. "Dr. Kim, as you very well know, a live pregnant Kaiju is a golden opportunity for research. If TALO One cannot bring her to the research base at San Nicolas Island that we have set up, then the navy is going in." 

"Wait, you have to give TALO One some more time. They just started communication minutes ago. If the navy shows up the Kaiju will turn defensive for sure." 

"Dr. Kim, I delivered my end of the bargain for your team, a chance at a peaceful first contact. It failed, now you have to let me proceed with my plan. Guys, let's bring in the cavalry." General Wu's voice was calm, but stern.

Junmyeon could see the helicopters and fighter jets in the distance, closing in like a dark net cast around Jongin and Apollyon. He knew two carrier ships close by probably started moving also. There may even be repaired Jaegers on the carriers, Junmyeon heard about Eden Assassin and Solar Prophet being dispatched in anticipation of the third portal.

On the video feed, it looked like Apollyon had paused to look around, defense instincts flaring.

"Where did you come from? Try to go back, don't stay here." Jongin's words were quiet now, almost a whisper to himself.

It was too late. The fighter jets' loud engines now reverberated on top of them. Junmyeon watched as Jongin moved out of the way reluctantly. Apollyon no longer looked confused, her built-in battle mode had kicked in. She flapped her wings to move herself to a higher elevation, and all the eyes on her wings were now wide open and glaring in different directions. The grin on her eyeless face remained fixed, but somehow it felt far more menacing now than before.

All of a sudden the fighter jets started to zigzag and waver aimlessly like autumn leaves falling in the wind. Over the telecom Junmyeon heard Jongin scream in shock and pain. "AGH... She's projecting pain into our thoughts...."

All the jet pilots started to lose control. Some managed to shoot out a few missiles, of which Apollyon dodged gracefully with a few rapid changes in flight directions. Junmyeon had never seen a Kaiju with such quick reflexes and agility. For the few jets that managed to not spiral into a downward falling pattern, Apollyon shot out precise streams of thick acid venom that destroyed the jet's engines. In a mere few minutes, the battle status had been established: Apollyon had clearly won with very little effort. 

Then just as unexpectedly, Apollyon seemed to release her telepathic grip on Jongin, for on the monitor, Junmyeon could see Jongin straightening up, no longer looking pained. 

Apollyon slowly started to fly away again, leaving nothing left but a gentle breeze. Junmyeon was grateful that she never considered Jongin a threat. 

"General, what should we do?" A naval personnel inquired. 

"Tell the two carriers with the Jaegers to speed up, they should catch up with her in about ten minutes correct? Proceed with sending all the rest of the jets and helicopters in, we can overwhelm her, all we need is a few good shots to take her down." General Wu spoke.

Junmyeon objected. "But she's telepathic. All the short range human-operated weapons we have will be useless against her, including jets and Jaegers. You will be sending your soldiers in to be slaughtered."

General Wi shot Junmyeon an icy glare. "Dr. Kim, I don't have to remind you, currently Apollyon is a few hundred miles away from the coast of Los Angeles. With her power, she will be unstoppable once reaching the city. Sometimes casualties are necessary to minimize further damage, my call, not yours." 

Suddenly Jongin's voice came through the telecom loud and clear. "Sending Jaeger soldiers to a certain death is not an option, not on my watch. Junmyeon, I'm going in with the backup plan." 

All eyes were now on Junmyeon, confusion clearly on their faces upon hearing about the unknown "backup plan". Reluctantly, Junmyeon spoke up. "I have been developing a nanotechnology serum that blocks all the signals of a Kaiju's brain. We are not familiar with their anatomy, but as long as they have a brain, blocking communication from the brain to the body should still result in coma, if not death. There are two missiles filled with the serum in the backpack Jongin carries. This technology has never been tested on a live Kaiju." 

"And you just conveniently neglected to inform me of this backup plan of yours?" The general raised an eyebrow.

"This was meant to be a trial run for TALO One to guide the Kaiju to the research base, not to put him into actual harm or direct combat. I told you we never wanted to be involved in any direct battle. Apollyon's telepathic ability now makes it extremely dangerous for TALO One to launch the serums..." 

"Jun, it's ok, you don't need to protect me. It's worth a try. I'm going in." Jongin's voice was determined now. 

"But you never signed up to fight..." 

"Maybe this IS what I'm meant to do, my purpose. Not to fight, but to protect the other soldiers, and you and Chanyeol." 

Jongin's grey suit was now tattered and covered in splashes of the fluorescent blue venom. His figure looked small yet formidable on the monitor. Junmyeon covered his mouth as he watched Jongin bring the launcher out of his backpack and set the first missile, the air around his suit swirling in anticipation of his next move. 

He could almost hear Jongin's exhale as he fired the first missile. The metallic shell hissed through the air and pierced Apollyon's left wing, a split second before she turned around to face Jongin again. Her movement was hesitant, the small missile seemed to have done nothing except mildly irritate her. 

Jongin wasted no time and loaded and fired the other missile. With a powerful flap of her wing, Apollyon deflected the second missile but gained speed heading towards Jongin, a blur of ruffled feathers and blinking eyes. 

Jongin tried to fly away, but was no match for Apollyon's speed. So instead he tried to dodge her, dashing around to escape. But before long, Apollyon shrilled and snatched Jongin with a decisive swipe of her left claw. 

Junmyeon felt his heart stop, as Chanyeol next to him let out a loud gasp. 

Suddenly, the flapping of Apollyon's wings became slower and erratic. She struggled to stay in mid-air but did not let go of the tiny grey figure in her grip. Slowly her elevation dropped, as her movement became clumsy and heavy. 

"Jongin, can you get out? Jongin!" Junmyeon's voice was strained with tears. He received no response. 

Like a dark fallen angel, Apollyon tumbled down closer and closer to the water. Five hundred feet, two hundred, one hundred, then with a loud splash she cut through the ocean's surface. The sound coming from the camera became static, then silent. On the monitor Junmyeon could see the ocean water turning darker and darker, with a million tiny air bubbles clouding the camera view. Then the video also cut out. 

Time seemed frozen in place, and everything surrounding him was suddenly blurry and inconsequential. Junmyeon felt a thousand sensations inside his heart - unspeakable pain, regret, sorrow, all tangled up and oppressively strong. He was knocked over by the wave of emotions, and yet at the same time, felt emptier than he had ever felt. 

_You don't know what you have until you've lost it._ Junmyeon felt like a fool for having to learn this lesson twice in life.

Then he heard the loud sniffling next to him that reminded him of his fatherly duties. No longer looking like the smart adult like know-it-all, Chanyeol took one look at him and burst into loud sobbing. "Is Uncle Jongin coming back? Why does everyone always leave us?" 

Junmyeon gave Chanyeol the warmest hug he could muster, and tried to put on his signature smile as he responded. "Uncle Jongin has fought very hard for us to be safe. He will always be with us no matter what, just like Mom." 

He could feel Chanyeol's slender body shaking in his embrace. "I won't forget them, Dad. It just hurts so much..." 

Junmyeon's heart ached at the sound of Chanyeol's words. He closed his eyes and allowed his own tears to run freely. 

 

He was not sure how much time had passed, before the announcement of a naval personnel woke him up from the trance-like sorrow. "General, the next group of jets has arrived on site, and are doing a scan of the area." 

On the monitor, the camera from the jet zoomed to the water surface and searched around. Amidst a layer of fluorescent venom foam, Junmyeon felt his heart quicken, then his hope plummet, as his eyes spotted nothing but floating debris from all the jets shot down by Apollyon previously.

Suddenly, he felt Chanyeol jumping out of his embracing, yelling joyously. "Go back! Go back! There was something moving!"

The camera turned sharply, and now Junmyeon could see it too, the unconscious figure in a battered grey suit languidly clinging a piece of debris. A sight that filled him once again with hope.

 

********************

 

San Nicolas Island is the most remote of the Californian Channel Islands. It has been uninhabited for many years, saved for the few hundreds of naval personnel stationed at the research base there. Recently there had been rumors of great expansions of the naval base, including long-range missile launcher installations, advanced telemetry towers, and giant glass biodomes. But rumors remained rumors, since a mysterious dense fog continuously clouded the parameter of the island, making everything on the island impossible to see from a distance.

Jongin and Chanyeol were walking along the beach chatting. Jongin had been wearing the lighter civilian version of the TALO suit more frequently now, instead of using the restrictive wheelchair. That was definitely one of the perks of living on a remote military island: everyone had by now gotten used to Jongin's sharp figure in the grey TALO suit and didn't even bat an eye in surprise anymore. 

There was a humongous dark figure hovering behind Chanyeol, casting a long shadow over both of him and Jongin. It was easily triple Chanyeol's height, with wings half extended and lazily flapping away. 

"So, are you sure you won't change his name again? Because as of last month you still wanted to call him SCoups," Jongin spoke, as he tossed a pebble into the ocean.

"No, the modifications I did to my microchip have been very useful. I can talk to him much more clearly now. We both agree he's much more of a Jackson, or Jack for short." 

Behind Chanyeol, Jack made a noise that resembled half snorting and half grunting. Since Jongin could still only sense highly vague sensations from Kaijus, he took that as a verbal confirmation. He gazed at Jack and spoke slowly. "One day, I'd like to be able to explain to Jack what I felt during his Mom's last few moments."

"What did you feel?" 

"She was meant to be a powerful weapon, but when her fighting instincts went down, especially as we sank into the ocean together, there was a sense of sadness. It took me a long time to understand, that she was sad for her unborn child and wanted him to survive. A very primal emotion, one that I never thought a genetically engineered war machine would be capable of." 

"That's because we don't understand Kaijus at all yet! They are such awesome creatures! I'm so glad the helicopters were able to take Apollyon to the carrier and rescue Jack." Chanyeol piped up eagerly.

Jongin looked at him with loving eyes. "And they rescued me too, so I agree. Nobody knows when the third portal will open, but we can learn as much about Kaijus as we can, and come up with a smarter way of defending ourselves." 

"Yup, yup. Oh, and also, since the Precursors uses telepathy to control Kaijus through the portal, we can also use the same technology to talk to the Precursors and get to know them a little. I've been trying out a few things."

Jongin stopped abruptly to face Chanyeol. "Channie, you know that's a very dangerous thing to do." 

"Oh Uncle Jongin, now you sound like my Dad," Chanyeol retorted nonchalantly. "Don't worry, I'm a brilliant child genius remember? We'll be fine, in fact, I can show you a few things later in the lab when Dad is not around..." 

"Why are you whispering, Channie? You've got that mischievous grin on your face again." A voice from behind made both of turn around. Junmyeon was walking towards them, with his usual warm smile beaming on his face. 

"Hey, Jack, you are supposed to warn me when Dad is nearby!" Chanyeol playfully whined to his avian buddy. All of the curiously blinking eyes on Jack's wings closed shyly, as he cooed in response. 

Jongin could feel the warmth of Junmyeon's smile spreading through his body. Even on this ashy and desolate beach shrouded in fog, away from the rest of the world, the simple sight of this young man made him feel strangely at home. He wanted to reach out and touch him, feel the warmth of his skin and soak in his optimism. 

All in due time, Jongin told himself. 

To his surprise, Junmyeon came up to him and gave his arm a gentle squeeze. "Sorry I've been busy all morning, thanks for keeping Chanyeol company. Maybe we can drop off Jack at the biodome and go home for a quick lunch." 

Home, the very word made the corners of Jongin's mouth curl up. It's a simple apartment, with too many plants that Junmyeon just had to have, and Chanyeol's mind boggling devices and experiments scattered about, but Jongin didn't mind. It had only been a few months, but he was already used to all the routines that came with having a home: the three of them always together at dinner time, chatting about Junmyeon's cooking skills; walking Chanyeol every morning to school at the base, and trying to convince him not to skip classes; talking to Junmyeon about everything and nothing at all on the way home from work. After so many years of being alone and drifting from place to place, Jongin found all these daily routines precious and comforting. 

Who knew he'd finally find his home on this little island, Jongin thought as he listened to Junmyeon and Chanyeol banter with each other. The future was unknown for all of them, but just sharing this moment together was enough. A moment of serenity that made all the struggles worthwhile.


End file.
